Erectile dysfunction, or ED as most commonly known, is the chronic inability to get and maintain an erection. It is quite a common sexual disorder in Singapore, affecting more than 50 per cent of men in their 30s. The severity and prevalence of ED only increase with age.
Suffering from ED is most definitely a distressing situation not only for the man but also for the relationship with the partner. An ongoing erection issue should be assessed by a doctor, as factors such as psychological distress, medication, or specific medical conditions can result in ED.
You should communicate with one another about the issue
Communication is vital to help overcome any relationship issues. Having a calm, honest, and open conversation about ED will help both of you to re-establish a sex life that is both enjoyable and satisfactory. While it can be a complex topic to navigate, having such a conversation while both of you are relaxed and have the time is crucial.
It is, first and foremost, important to remember that ED is a medical condition that does not happen by choice. Hence, it is neither you nor your partner’s fault, and it is definitely not due to the lack of attraction.
How serious a problem is ED for the relationship?
ED affects relationships in several ways. For some, it can result in obvious relationship issues. For others, it may affect only the man on a personal level.
The effects on the man
Obviously, having ED and knowing that you might not be able to satisfy and pleasure your partner completely can take a toll on his mental state, making sex even more stressful for him. He might blame himself for having difficulty getting and remaining hard or assume that he is not doing something correctly. People with ED often suffer from low self-esteem, embarrassment, anxiety, and stress.
The effects on the woman
ED affects the woman, too, though not directly. For example, a Female Sexual Function Index (FSFI) study found that women with ED partners had lower scores than women with non-ED partners. Some women may experience a lower libido, while others may unintentionally prepare themselves to have unsatisfactory sex.
At times, even if the woman understands their ED is not their partner’s fault, it can result in trust issues. These potential issues signify the seriousness of ED and why it is so important to have open and transparent communication with one another.
The effects on the couple as a whole
ED can result in couples’ depression, anxiety, and frustration, especially if they are attempting to start a family. For couples who might not be very sexually active, ED might not seem like much of a concern. However, it is still vital to communicate openly about it.
Find out what is causing their ED
Communicating with one another will help both of you discover what might be causing the ED situation. Some of the possible causes include:
- Medications, such as blood pressure medications, appetite suppressants, antiandrogens, or antidepressants
- Physical injuries or trauma to the spinal cord, bladder, pelvis, prostate, or penis
- Psychological issues, such as low self-esteem, fear or stress about sexual performance, depression, or anxiety
- Medical conditions such as heart disease, Peyronie’s disease, high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, or type 2 diabetes
- Prostate cancer or bladder surgery
- Poor lifestyle decisions, such as chronic consumption of alcohol, being overweight, chronic inactivity, and smoking
Fortunately, ED is not the be-all and end-all of your sex life. It is treatable, and there are steps that you and your partner can observe to navigate through the recovery season, individually and as a couple. You can still have a healthy sex life despite having ED.
1. Communicate with one another during sex
ED should not stop you from having sex.
Try not to put pressure on both you and your partner, and remember that patience is vital. Sex should be an enjoyable time and not be treated as work. Communicate with one another. Share your likes and dislikes about sex – how sex makes you feel, how much pleasure it brings you, and how you want to be satisfied.
ED occurs not because he finds you unattractive or he finds the sex unsatisfactory. Hence, putting pressure on the sexual intercourse and trying harder will not help him get hard.
2. Experiment with other sexual positions
ED will definitely make it harder to have sex.
While sexual positions do not have any direct effect on ED, experimenting with other sexual techniques and positions could help to make your sex life more pleasurable and help you find out what works best in this season.
You do not have to ‘fix’ your sex life per se. Instead, exploring new avenues and playing with new forms of sexual activities will help both of you navigate through ED. Since ED affects the penis, sexual activities that do not focus on the organ could also be suitable and could even help your sex last longer.
3. Observe a healthy lifestyle together
As mentioned earlier, ED can be caused by poor lifestyle decisions. Hence, one way to manage and treat ED is by making those deliberate changes. Breaking unhealthy habits and developing helpful ones can be hard to do alone. However, joining in and offering constant encouragement is going to motivate him to recover.
Observing a healthy lifestyle together also opens up more opportunities to be closer to him, correcting any detachment or distance that ED may have created between the two of you.
4. Try other forms of intimacy
While sex is a sure way of building intimacy in a relationship, it is not the only way. Other forms of intimacy can help both of you maintain, if not boost, your sexual desire for one another, even without an erection. Having ED does not mean that you cannot achieve orgasm.
Intimacy is more than just having sex. Do what makes both of you feel loved and comfortable so that you can boost the attraction between both you and your partner without letting ED stand in the way.
Some forms of intimacy you may want to try include:
Temporal or experiential intimacy
Similar to observing a healthy lifestyle together, the both of you can grow in intimacy through shared life activities and experiences, such as going for a walk, dancing, or watching a movie. Set aside time to relax with one another, enjoying nothing else but just one another’s company.
Verbal expressions of affection
Letting your partner know how much you care and love them is another way to express intimacy.
Non-sexual physical forms of intimacy
Sex is not the only way of building intimacy. There are non-sexual physical forms of intimacy you can try, such as massaging one another, stroking each other’s hair, kissing on the cheeks, holding hands, and even hugging.
Sexual forms of intimacy
Of course, sex is the quickest way to build intimacy, and there are ways you can enjoy sex and achieve orgasm despite having ED, such as manual or oral sexual stimulation, foreplay, incorporating sex toys, or indulging in mutual masturbation.
Do not let ED stop you from having a fulfilling sex life.
When to see a doctor
If you suspect that you or your partner has ED, a doctor visit is warranted. There may be underlying medical conditions that might have caused the issue that require immediate treatment. Likewise, ED also increases the risk of developing more severe medical conditions, such as heart disease.
Conclusion
It is understandable if you and your partner are concerned about navigating a sexual relationship when ED is involved. However, it is a treatable medical condition.
Through having regular communication with one another, experimenting with new positions and forms of intimacy, as well as observing a healthy lifestyle, you can still have a healthy sex life despite having ED.
Elyon Clinic is a men’s health clinic in Singapore. We treat a variety of men-related conditions, from ED to premature ejaculation and male hormone deficiency. Contact us to find out more!